Well today was surely an interesting day to say the least. Today was the day Will was going to come to the aide of his love, Cassandra and be the dashing gentleman he is and whisk her away from someone she never loved so they could be together forever...ugh gag me with a bloody spoon!! Dear William didn't plan the whole escape very well to tell you the truth. He just walked up there, put a knife to her throat, said a few sappy words and slowly backed away from the ceremony. He was relying on *me* of all people to watch his back and I did as such, what was I going to tell him, no? After all he is first mate on the ship I'm to be sailing on, so I kind of have to do what he says. So I watched his back, I had my rifle pointed at any of those confounded idiots that may hurt him. What a blasted fool I am, what I should have done was make someone else take this task...why should I of all the crew have to make sure nothing happens to him, so what if I have the best shot of everyone?! They could have gotten someone else to do it!! One of the guards went to pull a pistol he had in his coat, I saw it with my own eyes and my internal instinct kicked in and without thinking I shot him in the back of the head. After we all ran for our bloody lives I realized what it is I did. I put aside the fact that my uncle would *kill* me when we saw each other but I had just killed someone for William Turner, what the bloody hell is that?! This is surely madness taking me over, what am I becoming when I on instinct kill for someone else. I only kill people if absolutely nessesary, I mean this guard could have been pulling the pistol to scare Will in letting her go...but I didn't think about that possibility. I just shot him when I saw the handle of the pistol slowly emerge, I couldn't take the chance. Then I got to thinking would he have done the same for me, and the answer I came up with is probably not. This is the second time I've helped him out and...I just don't know what in the blazes I'm doing anymore I feel like I'm not in control of myself. But now it's horrible because Will spilled his soul to Cassandra and she seemed pissed, it looks like this whole thing was in vain. So now I have to spend God knows how long on this ship with her...I swear to God as my witness, I hope we don't cross paths, she being an excellent swordsman and I being an excellent marksman...a violent altercation may occur. But I hope not because I don't really want it to come to that right now, I'm just so tired of it all.
Madonna - To have, not to hold
To have and not to hold So hot, yet so cold My heart is in your hand And yet you never stand Close enough for me to have my way
To love but not to keep To laugh, not to weep Your eyes, they go right through And yet you never do Anything to make me want to stay
Like a moth to a flame Only I am to blame Ba ba da ba ba ba What can I do? Ba ba da ba ba ba I go straight to you Ba ba da ba ba ba I've been told You're to have, not to hold
To look but not to see To kiss but never be The object of your desire I'm walking on a wire And there's no one at all To break my fall
You're to have, not to hold You're to have, not to hold
You're to have, not to hold You're to have, not to hold You're to have, not to hold To break my heart