Charlotte Adriana Kingsley (misskingsley) wrote in caribbeanpiracy,
Charlotte Adriana Kingsley

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What is becoming of me?

Well today was surely an interesting day to say the least. Today was the day Will was going to come to the aide of his love, Cassandra and be the dashing gentleman he is and whisk her away from someone she never loved so they could be together forever...ugh gag me with a bloody spoon!! Dear William didn't plan the whole escape very well to tell you the truth. He just walked up there, put a knife to her throat, said a few sappy words and slowly backed away from the ceremony. He was relying on *me* of all people to watch his back and I did as such, what was I going to tell him, no? After all he is first mate on the ship I'm to be sailing on, so I kind of have to do what he says. So I watched his back, I had my rifle pointed at any of those confounded idiots that may hurt him. What a blasted fool I am, what I should have done was make someone else take this task...why should I of all the crew have to make sure nothing happens to him, so what if I have the best shot of everyone?! They could have gotten someone else to do it!! One of the guards went to pull a pistol he had in his coat, I saw it with my own eyes and my internal instinct kicked in and without thinking I shot him in the back of the head. After we all ran for our bloody lives I realized what it is I did. I put aside the fact that my uncle would *kill* me when we saw each other but I had just killed someone for William Turner, what the bloody hell is that?! This is surely madness taking me over, what am I becoming when I on instinct kill for someone else. I only kill people if absolutely nessesary, I mean this guard could have been pulling the pistol to scare Will in letting her go...but I didn't think about that possibility. I just shot him when I saw the handle of the pistol slowly emerge, I couldn't take the chance. Then I got to thinking would he have done the same for me, and the answer I came up with is probably not. This is the second time I've helped him out and...I just don't know what in the blazes I'm doing anymore I feel like I'm not in control of myself. But now it's horrible because Will spilled his soul to Cassandra and she seemed pissed, it looks like this whole thing was in vain. So now I have to spend God knows how long on this ship with her...I swear to God as my witness, I hope we don't cross paths, she being an excellent swordsman and I being an excellent marksman...a violent altercation may occur. But I hope not because I don't really want it to come to that right now, I'm just so tired of it all.

Madonna - To have, not to hold

To have and not to hold
So hot, yet so cold
My heart is in your hand
And yet you never stand
Close enough for me to have my way

To love but not to keep
To laugh, not to weep
Your eyes, they go right through
And yet you never do
Anything to make me want to stay


Like a moth to a flame
Only I am to blame
Ba ba da ba ba ba
What can I do?
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I go straight to you
Ba ba da ba ba ba
I've been told
You're to have, not to hold

To look but not to see
To kiss but never be
The object of your desire
I'm walking on a wire
And there's no one at all
To break my fall


You're to have, not to hold
You're to have, not to hold


You're to have, not to hold
You're to have, not to hold
You're to have, not to hold
To break my heart
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